You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
