I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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