You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
