Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
