The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
