I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
