At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
