You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
