For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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