oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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