I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
