a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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