im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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