Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
