she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
