if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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