This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
