oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
