i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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