If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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