I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
