happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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