we have pet lesbian snakes
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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