so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
