Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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