You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
