Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
