Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
