Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
