he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
