i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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