believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize