He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
