I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
