Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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