I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
