I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
