but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
