So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
