Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
