Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
