How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
