remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What a dumb baby whore.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
