I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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