I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
