you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Mom said you looked used
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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