We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
