can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
