Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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