Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
