May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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