just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
