what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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