So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
