I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You can't just leave with hair like that
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
