There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
