Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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