i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
