i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
