Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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