I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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