Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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