She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
