Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found your dick twin last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
