i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
