This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
