see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
