I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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