I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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